January

The beginning of the year seems to be strangely difficult for me.  Both this year and last.  I've come to realize a few things that have become a pattern.  For the past two years in the month of January (and clear through to March) I think of my nephew Ethan like CrAzY!!!!  I feel as if the month of January may have been the beginning of the end for him.  Maybe because it was this month that he was transferred to Seattle Children's Hospital where just two short months later he would lose his battle with Cystic Fibrosis.  I get more notices, fliers and emails from the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation beginning in January being that the GREAT Strides walk for CF is early in the year for Las Vegas.  That also makes me think of him more often.  January also serves as a reminder that the dreadful day Ethan was granted his angel wings is quickly approaching.  Each year I think it will be just a little bit easier to deal with and each year it is equally as difficult.  As if it were yesterday.  Kadence's birthday is also in January. Ethan and her would be, SHOULD be the same age this year.  Again, a painful reminder. 

So many thoughts....I stayed up past 2am last night browsing through pictures of him...some painful, most happy and smiley.  If he only knew how many lives he touched and inspired.  What an astounding accomplishment for such a small being.  I am a proud auntie for sure.   This picture is by far one of my favorite pictures of Ethan although there are SO many.

 Look at that huge undeniable smile!  He was SO little then and if memory serves me correctly, this was the first time (of many) he was completely tube free.  Unfortunately that wouldn't last but for a moment.  I remember crying with joy when I first saw this picture.  It was as if he looked up and said "look mom/dad, no tubes!!"  "finally....free at last!"  Although his battle with CF would be lost, this to me represented the first of several huge accomplishments in his fight. What I wouldn't give to hold his fragile body, kiss his pale yellow and salty skin while whispering  sweet "i love you's"  and word of encouragement in his ear just ONE MORE TIME!!!

I love you Ethan Andrew....more than you will ever know.

My girlfriend, one of my sister's closest friends, also lost someone dear to her in the month of January....her brother.  The last portion of this post is dedicated to her, Kassi Jo and her brother Nathan Hays.

I'd like to take this moment to remember Nathan and the crew of RAIDR04, lost 9 years ago today in the mountains of Pakistan....

Pilot: Capt Matthew W. Bancroft, 29 
Co-Pilot: Capt Daniel G. McCollum, 29 
Flight Engineer: GySgt Stephen L. Bryson, 35 

Loadmaster: SSgt Scott N. Germosen, 37

Flight Mechanic: Sgt Nathan P. Hays, 21

Navigator: Lance Cpl Bryan P. Bertrand, 23 

Radio Operator: Sgt Jeannette L. Winters, 25

 another soul taken too young and another beautiful smile to always remember. 


"Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal" ~From a headstone in Ireland


Forever loved and cherished by so many...
May you all Rest in Peace!!