My Beautiful Daughter

My beautiful daughter
You cannot know
How much my heart breaks
As I watch you grow
 
In time you'll become
Independent and free
Always my daughter
And special to me

As you grow older
You will see
Through the eyes of a mother
Reflections of me

Past, present and future
All intertwined
My mother, your mother
All daughters you'll find

Our reflections, not vanity
Mirrored lives we share
Always a daughter
Your mother, who cares.

  by Julie Copeland 

Three years ago today my life took a drastic turn and changed in ways I could never imagine. It's very clear to me that being a mother is one of my sole purposes in life.  I was meant to have these girls and whatever pain I endured to get them was beyond worth it.

Happy Birthday Kadence!!!

"I love you to the moon and back" <3

 This is our special wave goodnight and goodbye.  
Every night and every goodbye!

A Chuck E Cheese Birthday

We Celebrated Kady's 3rd Birthday at Chuck E Cheese this year.   It was a bit chaotic as I am finding all birthday's to be regardless of location, but everyone still had fun.  I discovered there is a reason places such as this serve beer.  Can you believe I have a 3yr old??  Crazy....

 The most amazing thing about turning 3
Is your world's now filled with discoveries.

determination

I think a lot can be learned from kids.  Especially my kids  :)  Alright, I had to say that.  In this post I'm referring to my 10 month old Zoe.  This kid has more determination than any I have seen in a long time.  If there were enough hours to waste in the day, I would sit on the couch or living room floor and watch her endlessly.  She's at that stage where she's rolling, crawling and pulling herself up on things.  All you hear is huffing and puffing as her cheeks turn rosy pink and her body temperature begins to rise.  Have you ever sat back and watched a child at that age??  Watched them move?  Man it looks exhausting.  But to watch her struggle, fall down and pick herself right back up again over and over and over and OVER is absolutely amazing to me.  What determination!!!!  To learn how to walk....geesh, what hard work.  I consider it a blessing that we don't remember such challenging tasks as this (and teething).  Just think of what your own personal life could be like if you approached everything with that kind of determination.  How about the world?  Such a refreshing frame of mind.  The farther you climb, the farther you fall.  The harder you try, the greater the possibility for disappointment if things don't pan out.  But wouldn't it be worth it to know that you at least gave it your ALL?!  There would be little room for "what if" or "I wonder."  At least you would know "I gave it my all,"  "I tried."  Don't let fear stand in your way or even fear of disappointment.  More is lost by indecision than no decision at all.   Pick your path in life and live it the best that you know how.  With as much determination as you have.   Keep your dreams alive.  It's important to understand  to achieve anything requires faith and belief.  Belief in yourself, vision, hard work and determination.   "Remember all things are possible for those who believe." 


Attack life!!  It's going to kill you anyway.

Thank you to my beautiful daughters for always reminding me how to live.  How to be.  I admire what children can teach us without speaking a single word. 

Snow Days

It does snow in the desert.  In fact the mountains get a ton of it. We do have snow skiing as well about 45mins out of town or 30mins from our driveway.  It's nothing spectacular but it takes care of the skiing itch.  At least once a year we will get snow in the city.  Being that we live right up against the mountains we get a little bit more than most of Las Vegas.  Seeing Kady's face light up to a backyard of snow was absolutely priceless.  PJ's and all we ran right out there.

Up at the Mountain

Sledding at Mt. Charleston with MacKenzie and Kaitlynn

a few days later we woke up to this in our backyard....

Off to Red Rock
It was so pretty we decided to take a little drive out to Red Rock Canyon.  There are few things more gorgeous than a fresh, light blanket of snow covering the red rocks.  We didn't drive all the way in so I didn't get the photos I would have liked.   Besides it was SO foggy it wouldn't have shown up on film anyway.

     ^---  Kady's little snowman  :)

Las Vegas got SO MUCH rain and snow this week that the water level of Lake Mead rose one and a half feet....insane.  I kid you not our pool was an inch away from overflowing as well.  It was nuts.

January

The beginning of the year seems to be strangely difficult for me.  Both this year and last.  I've come to realize a few things that have become a pattern.  For the past two years in the month of January (and clear through to March) I think of my nephew Ethan like CrAzY!!!!  I feel as if the month of January may have been the beginning of the end for him.  Maybe because it was this month that he was transferred to Seattle Children's Hospital where just two short months later he would lose his battle with Cystic Fibrosis.  I get more notices, fliers and emails from the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation beginning in January being that the GREAT Strides walk for CF is early in the year for Las Vegas.  That also makes me think of him more often.  January also serves as a reminder that the dreadful day Ethan was granted his angel wings is quickly approaching.  Each year I think it will be just a little bit easier to deal with and each year it is equally as difficult.  As if it were yesterday.  Kadence's birthday is also in January. Ethan and her would be, SHOULD be the same age this year.  Again, a painful reminder. 

So many thoughts....I stayed up past 2am last night browsing through pictures of him...some painful, most happy and smiley.  If he only knew how many lives he touched and inspired.  What an astounding accomplishment for such a small being.  I am a proud auntie for sure.   This picture is by far one of my favorite pictures of Ethan although there are SO many.

 Look at that huge undeniable smile!  He was SO little then and if memory serves me correctly, this was the first time (of many) he was completely tube free.  Unfortunately that wouldn't last but for a moment.  I remember crying with joy when I first saw this picture.  It was as if he looked up and said "look mom/dad, no tubes!!"  "finally....free at last!"  Although his battle with CF would be lost, this to me represented the first of several huge accomplishments in his fight. What I wouldn't give to hold his fragile body, kiss his pale yellow and salty skin while whispering  sweet "i love you's"  and word of encouragement in his ear just ONE MORE TIME!!!

I love you Ethan Andrew....more than you will ever know.

My girlfriend, one of my sister's closest friends, also lost someone dear to her in the month of January....her brother.  The last portion of this post is dedicated to her, Kassi Jo and her brother Nathan Hays.

I'd like to take this moment to remember Nathan and the crew of RAIDR04, lost 9 years ago today in the mountains of Pakistan....

Pilot: Capt Matthew W. Bancroft, 29 
Co-Pilot: Capt Daniel G. McCollum, 29 
Flight Engineer: GySgt Stephen L. Bryson, 35 

Loadmaster: SSgt Scott N. Germosen, 37

Flight Mechanic: Sgt Nathan P. Hays, 21

Navigator: Lance Cpl Bryan P. Bertrand, 23 

Radio Operator: Sgt Jeannette L. Winters, 25

 another soul taken too young and another beautiful smile to always remember. 


"Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal" ~From a headstone in Ireland


Forever loved and cherished by so many...
May you all Rest in Peace!!

Picture of the day

pondering, reflecting, wondering, hoping, praying....

Just a few of my thoughts as 2010 ends.

I find myself like never before reflecting more on my personal relationships with Dominic and the girls opposed to "life" in general.  The good, the bad, the ugly, all of it has consumed my everyday thoughts.  What can I do different or what can I improve?  What are my strengths as a mother, partner and friend.  What do I want and expect as a mother, partner, friend?  As a team (meaning Dom and I) what we do best and what still needs to be improved  upon.  Where we've been, where we're going. I think my mantra for the upcoming year of 2011 is "to be the best me I know how."  I think as spouses and parents we tend to lose a bit of who we are in hopes of maintaining or strengthening relationships that are already established.  I've found this to be some what unproductive for me so far.  I emotionally take out my frustrations on my husband or my girls and specifically Kady only because she's old enough to know.  It makes me feel horrible when I do so.  It's not like me to do that either.  One of the few things in this world that makes me smile and shows ME unconditional love does not deserve the brunt of my bitchy, bad attitude because I'M having a bad day.  So, that being said, I think It's time to go back to the basics and start with me.  A better me, will make me a better mother, partner and friend.  I need to trust that the relationships I've already established will be there and with a new and improved me they will strengthen on their own.  Maybe today is the day to drop the pessimism and look forward to 2011 with as much optimism I can muster up at this point.  This year is most definitely starting off rough for my family and I but it's not like we haven't dealt with and conquered "rough" before.  Here's to the best 2011 we can possibly hope for.

A Christmas Story

This Christmas was all about starting traditions.

Meet Casey our Elf on the Shelf
He made his appearance on the first of December. 

Cookies for Santa (not on the meal plan but devoured anyway)  :)

 don't forget milk for Santa

Lastly, food for the reindeer so they can find our house.

 

Kady Talk

"lopstick" means chapstick or lipstick.  It sounds like a nice combo of both.
"I just killing" translation  "I'm just kidding."
"Tina Rabbit" really stands for The Velveteen Rabbit.  Her current favorite movie.
"Andy doll" is what she wants for Christmas but she really means an Annie doll as in the Orphan Annie.
"Uh brah lelella" meaning Umbrella.
 "Bugs in der" is what she says when her ear is hurting.  Usually a sign of an ear infection.
"Farkly" is sparkly
"Sleg" translation "sled"

This kid is SMART!!  Not much else to share.  She ROCKS!!

Zoe Talk

"Mama"
"Dada"
"Uh-Oh"

She claps, she waves, she crawls, climbs, sits, stands, rolls...she's ALL over the place these days and the only way to hold her is in a football hold under your arm.  She's a spunky, determined little girl and a TOTAL workout.  I had to drop the crib 2 days ago because she was standing up in it.  I can't believe she's almost 10months.  No teeth to report yet.

Final Results are in.....

12 weeks and 20lbs later (more like 23 now and still dropping)  Here it is:


  before                                                after

I kind of can't believe I'm sharing this but I figure it's already out there for the world to see so why not share it on my personal blog.  I also still can't believe how well and how fast I saw results.  AMAZING!!  Another reason for sharing.  If I can do it, you can do it.  You just HAVE to do it.  It's been so much fun shopping in my own closet.  Wearing all my fabulous designer jeans that I haven't been able to fit in for 3 years....Ahhhh!!  Frankie B, I have missed you dearly.  Come Spring I'll have a whole new wardrobe without spending a dime.

So...check out the link below and feel free to browse around.  Pics of me are EVERYWHERE...Yikers! 

http://jaxbudde.com/

If you live in Las Vegas and are looking for your own personal trainer I highly recommend Jax.  See website and read my testimonial for all the reason why I you also should hire Jax.

Just another day with friends at Springs Preserve

Do you live in Las Vegas and are looking for the perfect holiday gift for kids, friends or family?  My suggestion is a season pass to Springs Preserve.  A whole year for the entire family is only $60 and kids under 5 are free.  I take my girls there at least once a week.  Each visit we spend a minimum of 2hrs and STILL don't seem to do everything we want to do.  It's fun, educational, interactive and just plain AWESOME!!!  I highly recommend you go and also be on the look out for their other fun events, such as Easter, Halloween, Ice Cream festival, Movie nights and Christmas.  There is ALWAYS something going on at Springs Preserve.


Some fun pictures of our day...

 Zoe in the garbage truck

 Kadence and her friend Lexie

 Me and the girls snapping photos in front of one of their holiday displays

Me being silly of course  :)

Santa Claus Is Coming To Town...

It took two trips, a TON of convincing and some motivation from dad to sit on Santa's lap, but she did it...finally!!  The first thing she told Santa..."look at my pretty dress.  My grandma give it for me!"  No joke.  I think she also told him she wanted a doll.

Scuba Santa was also there in the Silverton Casino's BIG HUGE fish tank.  The kids were able to talk back and forth with him through a microphone somehow.  It was pretty cool.  Kady dug it the first time around and wanted NOTHING to do with him the second....and who cares?  SHE SAT ON SANTA'S LAP...WooHoo!!

Two posts today....yes TWO!!!  Why??  Because what started off as a happy and hopeful day has turned into complete and udder CRAP!!!!!  So....I need to vent.   I feel like we've been treading water for over a year now just barely keeping our heads afloat.  It seems as if we're NEVER going to catch a break.  The amount of stress and uncertainty resting on our shoulders is EXHAUSTING and certainly more for my husband than myself.  Everything feels strained.  I guess we really needed some prayers to be answered today and they weren't.  I know that's how the lord works and I'm TRYING REAL HARD to trust in his greater plan for us and our family but DAMN....I'm tired of being tested.  Some sort of reassurance from him would be good about now.  All we need is for ONE thing, SOMEthing, ANYthing to go our way.

I guess all I can do is continue to pray and BELIEVE in the power of prayer.  Something has got to give eventually...it has to.

Today is the BIG day.  Dominic and his business partner go to court for the injunction.  Everything to this point has most certainly been a climb.  And not just business wise but life in general.  This song and these words ring true as one of my motto's in life..."It's not about how fast you get there or what's waiting on the other side. It's the journey."


The Climb

~by Miley Cyrus

I can almost see it
That dream I’m dreaming but
There’s a voice inside my head sayin,
You’ll never reach it,
Every step I’m taking,
Every move I make feels
Lost with no direction
My faith is shaking but I
Got to keep trying
Got to keep my head held high

There’s always going to be another mountain
I’m always going to want to make it move
Always going to be an uphill battle,
Sometimes you going to have to lose,
Ain’t about how fast I get there,
Ain’t about what’s waiting on the other side
It’s the climb

The struggles I’m facing,
The chances I’m taking
Sometimes they knock me down but
No I’m not breaking
The pain I’m knowing
But these are the moments that
I’m going to remember most yeah
Just got to keep going
And I,
I got to be strong
Just keep pushing on,

There’s always going to be another mountain
I’m always going to want to make it move
Always going to be an uphill battle,
Sometimes you going to have to lose,
Ain’t about how fast I get there,
Ain’t about what’s waiting on the other side
It’s the climb

There’s always going to be another mountain
I’m always going to want to make it move
Always going to be an uphill battle,
Sometimes you going to have to lose,
Ain’t about how fast I get there,
Ain’t about what’s waiting on the other side
It’s the climb

Keep on moving
Keep climbing
Keep the faith baby
It’s all about
It’s all about
The climb

Keep the faith
Keep your faith

This past Sunday, December 5th was my Rock N' Roll 1/2 Marathon.  I'm still hurting in case you were wondering!  I felt like it was a "bad" day running wise for me.  Side ache, numb foot, tensed shoulders, however it must not have been since I ran farther and faster than I'd ever ran before...yeah me!!  My one goal was to finish all 13.1 miles under 2:00:00 hours.  You'll never believe what my time was......

1:59:12

Can you believe it??  I BARELY made it  :)

The problem now is wanting to do another to set a personal record.  There is always room for improvement I'm just not sure my body is cut out for running.

At least I'm able to check this off my bucket list.

CONGRATS to all my girls who ran and finished with me!!  It was fun...kind of. Ha!

Reading this post, Not so bright and shiny , made my day today!  Many of you know I started following this blog over a year ago.  Since Conner passed I have continued reading of his mother's struggles praying for her continued strength, healing and peace of mind.  I feel like today was a day of which she received some.  It's wonderful seeing that after 7years Conner is able to take care of his mom the way she took care of him. I will continue to pray for Sarah and her family to have many, many more of these days.

Love, Love, Love

Currently listening 

to Kadence read 

to Zoe. 

I could listen to her read all day long...

What an imagination she has! 

'Tis the Season for Traditions

I'm super excited that Kady is old enough now to understand and participate in some of the Christmas Traditions.  It's always been super important to me to establish such memories my children can cherish forever and pass along to their children. 

Here are the traditions we will partake in this holiday season and for many seasons to come:

Serving:  Every year I volunteer to serve Thanksgiving Dinner to the homeless vets of Las Vegas.  It's always a humbling experience and I'm happy to see some of the same faces each year.  Last year was my first year volunteering at the children's Muscular Dystrophy Christmas luncheon.  This included buying and wrapping thousands of dollars worth of Christmas presents and serving lunch to the the kids and their families.  What a HEART warming experience it is to see the twinkle in their eyes as they take photos with Santa, open presents, participate in crafts and the local fire Dept. usually stops by with  a fire truck for the kids to see.  I'm excited to do this again this year on December 11th.  Although, neither of my girls are old enough to participate in such acts of charity at this point, they will be and I plan on making this a yearly tradition with the girls.

Giving to the less fortunate: So many ways to do this.  I almost never pass by a food bank without dropping off at least $10 worth of canned goods, which got a bit expensive this year.  The Las Vegas food banks are having a hard time staying full so there are donation drops EVERYWHERE!  I've also considered signing the family up to volunteer for the Salvation Army.  You know?  To be one of those jingle bell ringers outside the stores :)  We'll see....

One thing I have yet to accomplish but it's on the list is Operation Christmas Child .  It's easy and fairly inexpensive.  Kady I feel is old enough to help with this one.  I figure we can chose a child of her age and she can help pick the supplies to fill in the Christmas box.  The hard part will be convincing her it's not for her...this year anyways. 


Another thing I've been looking into is Project Rudolph. We have several military friends.  Some who are deployed, some who have just returned home from deployment and few who are stationed over seas in Germany (which is how I know of this).  Project Rudolph is a Germany based Organization and was created to give deployed and deploying service members a bit of holiday cheer. The goal is to provide gift bags for not only the military members transitioning through the airport on days leading up to Christmas, but also for active duty Air Force members who work round the clock to keep the airport running smoothly, injured troops at the hospital, injured warriors at transition barracks, deployed Army, Navy and Marines working in Germany, and  deployed troops downrange.  All they require is letters written to our service men and women, candy canes and ornaments.  Other than shipping, it doesn't get easier or cheaper than this.  I just hope we didn't miss the cut off deadline for this one this year.


Christmas Tree:  Growing up, our Christmas tree always went up Thanksgiving weekend and came down New Year's Day.  It's a tradition I have continued to carry out.  Being we have a fake Christmas tree because I'm allergic to real ones, we are able to do this.  This year was the first Kady got to really help me decorate.  It's kind of silly that I had to string lights on our pre-lit Christmas tree this year because half of them were out and I couldn't figure out how to fix it.  When I look at it I see a Christmas tree on steroids.  When the girls look at it they see TONS of blinking, twinkling lights.  Maybe we'll have better luck next year. 

Elf on the Shelf:  If you have younger kids, I highly recommend the Elf on the shelf Christmas tradition.  Like most children through the ages, they want to know how Santa really knows who is naughty and who is nice.  The answer comes in the form of a small Pixie-elf.  The first time the elf arrives, the children officially adopt him by giving him a name.  He usually arrives around Thanksgiving time.  His sole responsibility  is to watch the children's behavior and report it to Santa each night.  The next morning after the children awoke, they would discover the elf had returned form the North Pole and was now resting in a new and different place.  There are rules.  For example, to better preserve his mystique the children are not allowed to touch him but talking to him was okay.  He is also under strict orders not to talk to the children but he could talk to grown ups.  We we're given this Christmas tradition by my sister in law two Christmases ago.  Again, Kady is at the age of which I believe she'll REALLY "get it."  I think our elf will appear on December 1st and hopefully this year we'll be able to name him. 

Reindeer Food:  Just today I discovered Reindeer food.  I know Kady's going to really LOVE this one.  Being that her room is at the front of the house, she'll probably be peeking out her window all night long looking for the Reindeer.  

Christmas Eve:  One word....Church!! Christmas Eve will be spent in church at the candlelight service.  It only happens once a year at Christmas time.  My family did this every year as I grew up and my kids will also.  I also think it's time to start a new Christmas Eve tradition....everyone gets to open one gift.  I'm thinking a new pair of jammies each year.


With the hustle and bustle that comes with the Christmas season, it can sometimes be difficult to remember "The Reason for the Season."  It's important to me that my children grow up knowing the TRUE meaning of Christmas, the gift of giving and that not everyone is as fortunate as they are.  I want them to BELIEVE in the miracles of Christmas for as long as possible and realize just how magical this time of year can be.

"What an enormous magnifier is tradition! How a thing grows in the human memory and in the human imagination, when love, worship, and all that lies in the human heart, is there to encourage it."~Thomas Carlyle

Wishing you all a happy and joyful holiday season.....

My dad would be so proud to know that of the 2 hours we spent at Bass Pro Shop this morning Kady spent 45 minutes of it watching, listening, laughing and commenting on the fishing demonstration.  She also is the proud new owner of her own Mickey Mouse light up fishing pole.  I'm not a Black Friday shopper and never have been.  I guess I don't know what all I'm missing out on.  I do have to say of the two stops I made in the last two days for necessary reasons other than Christmas shopping, I did happen to find some GREAT deals on presents for the girls.  The hard part now is trying NOT to give it to them early....like the fishing pole!  

How do you say NO to faces like these? 

I've already wrapped just a few presents to keep from giving them to the girls early.  

Lord, 

give me strength because I know my husband has none on this subject either!

Amen

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

To: God.com

Dear Lord,
Every single evening
As I'm lying here in bed,
This tiny little Prayer
Keeps running through my head:
 

God bless all my family
Wherever they may be,
Keep them warm
and safe from harm
For they're so close to me.

And God, there is one more thing
I wish that you could do;
Hope you don't mind me asking,
Please bless my computer too.

Now I know that it's unusual
To Bless a motherboard,
But listen just a second
While I explain it to you, Lord.

You see, that little metal box
Holds more than odds and ends;
Inside those small compartments
Rest so many of my friends.

I know so much about them
By the kindness that they give,
And this little scraps of metal
Takes me in to where they live.

By faith is how I know them
Much the same as you.
We share in what life brings us
And from that our friendships grew.

Please take an extra minute
From your duties up above,
To bless those in my address book
That's filled with so much love.

Wherever else this prayer may reach
To each and every friend,
Bless each e-mail inbox
And each person who hits 'send'.

When you update your Heavenly list
On your own Great CD-ROM,
Bless everyone who says this prayer
Sent up to God.com
 

Amen

I am thankful for our friends and family but this year I'm especially thankful for the special 3 in my life God has blessed me with.....and the furry ones too.

Picture of the day

In 2weeks and 2 days I'll be running the Vegas Rock N' Roll 1/2 Marathon.  I'm already a nervous wreck about it.  I'm also REALLY proud of how far I've already come considering in July I couldn't even finish a 1/2 a mile let alone a 13.1 half marathon.  I'm still waiting for that runner's high to kick every time I run.  It certainly doesn't feel any easier but maybe that's because I continue to push my boundaries.  For now what keeps me going is the sense of accomplishment after each and every run.  It's my hope to sustain some kind of momentum and possibly finish a full 26.2 mile marathon sometime late next year.  Maybe I'm getting a little ahead of myself.  Let's see how this one goes first.  For those of you interested, I know there is a way to track my progress during the race (not that I'm racing it).  It will send updates of my progress to your cell phone via text messages.  Here is the link to sign up for the Runner Tracking:  https://www.competitorwireless.com/.  I'm curious to see how well it works.

December 5th is the big day!  Stay tuned for race results and pictures to come.....

HAPPY HALLOWEEN 
from The Guinto's

Words can not describe how much more awesome Halloween was this year than last.  Kadence REALLY got it and was an absolute blast.  I can't wait to see her eyes light up at Christmas.  Holidays have greater meaning these days.


"Eat, drink and be scary!"

Happy Birthday to my wonderful man!!

"We turn not older with years, but newer every day."

~Emily Dickinson