Wednesday, January 5, 2011

pondering, reflecting, wondering, hoping, praying....

Just a few of my thoughts as 2010 ends.

I find myself like never before reflecting more on my personal relationships with Dominic and the girls opposed to "life" in general.  The good, the bad, the ugly, all of it has consumed my everyday thoughts.  What can I do different or what can I improve?  What are my strengths as a mother, partner and friend.  What do I want and expect as a mother, partner, friend?  As a team (meaning Dom and I) what we do best and what still needs to be improved  upon.  Where we've been, where we're going. I think my mantra for the upcoming year of 2011 is "to be the best me I know how."  I think as spouses and parents we tend to lose a bit of who we are in hopes of maintaining or strengthening relationships that are already established.  I've found this to be some what unproductive for me so far.  I emotionally take out my frustrations on my husband or my girls and specifically Kady only because she's old enough to know.  It makes me feel horrible when I do so.  It's not like me to do that either.  One of the few things in this world that makes me smile and shows ME unconditional love does not deserve the brunt of my bitchy, bad attitude because I'M having a bad day.  So, that being said, I think It's time to go back to the basics and start with me.  A better me, will make me a better mother, partner and friend.  I need to trust that the relationships I've already established will be there and with a new and improved me they will strengthen on their own.  Maybe today is the day to drop the pessimism and look forward to 2011 with as much optimism I can muster up at this point.  This year is most definitely starting off rough for my family and I but it's not like we haven't dealt with and conquered "rough" before.  Here's to the best 2011 we can possibly hope for.

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